inside her notes app

hi, ehm. i don't know if you know me. maybe you've seen me on his bereal. maybe you've seen my name pop up on his screen, even though i tried not to snap that often when i knew he was with you. i only sent photos of my dog, a tree, or my shoes. i don't know if he ever talked about me — probably not. i saw you once when he came to work with you to get dinner. it was probably about six months ago, but i still remember you got a chicken fillet burger. i don't know why i remember that, and i don't know why i thought to myself, "she won't finish it." something about you just seemed like you're the type not to finish your food in restaurants. no offense. i didn't know it at the time, but i had a weird feeling in my stomach when i saw you two together. i didn't think much of it. now i know those were the feelings i was starting to develop for him, hidden deep inside me. i definitely didn't find him attractive right away. when i first start...

Sometimes I want to tell people all the things I have been healing from in the past few years but then I remember I am not the main character and these battles I fought were supposed to be silent for a reason. I am so so proud of myself for handling things better and better. I saw him a few months ago for the first time after the frosting. My mind was okay but my body was shaking. Interesting to say at least. The "ireland" wound I have in my heart hurt this month for the first time in so long. It took me by surprise. Like... will it ever stop? Or will I... get used to it? I keep looking at wedding and baby pictures and I miss my future family so so much. I wonder if I have met husband already. Is it him? Do my kids think I was cool in my 20s? I keep thinking I might actually be the luckiest person alive.